I don't like the fact that you honestly cannot write what you honestly feel like writing...because WHEN and IF it shows up again and again somewhere..as in "somewhere else" and NOT necessarily  given the authors name on whereever it ends up...it is either changed..or  made fun of , or  people come "after you" for what what you've written..and go against you...or spy on you...*shakes head* this bugs the crap out of me, totally!! I have had people on another blog tell me off...or totally IGNORE me all because of what I like to write!! It also depends on what your family does for a living as well..and that can stop you from writing what you want to write as well!  BUMMER BIG TIME!! (I want to REBEL anyhow!!!) ROFL!!!

I actually posted this some hours ago on my other blog site..but, I felt like sharing.!!

I am watching Ruby and seeing that they have to do those types of "exercises" that reveal who they are..how they feel, going back to their childhoods, dealing with what people would tell or say to them, while growing up.)..Those types of excercises I have done in classes and or alanon(I went because of an ex-boyfriend)..they CAN be a DiFfiCuLt to do!!! But, there ARE breakthroughs! The work..but, Ooooh do they "Getcha and getcha GOOOOD!!!"


Man..I remember going to the actual Alcoholic's anonymous groups...I was actually waiting for MY group to show up..and while I was waiting..somebody asked me to join their group...I think that I actually "warned" them ahead of time..I was So bitter and SO angry..and yes..it was MY fault that I was living with not one, not two, but had lived with THREE alcoholics..although, thankfully NOT all at the same time...I just could not afford to move..and I don't have "credit" (I had help thru those who do to get my apartment at that time..I have to admit that my credit is still bad...but, that's a LOT of American's anyhow! LOL!!)OR perhaps MOST of our population!!! Hahahaha!!
But, yeah..that was me...so, anyways..when I went to their group..they introduced me..and then they decided to pick me to "share" about what it was like being ME and living with an alcoholic..I started out at first okay..but, somewhere in the middle of one sentence..I "let 'er Rrrrip!" It flowed like hot lava and didn't stop...the whole group just sat there in dead silence..all eyes upon me..and I began to get more and more enraged...(the odd or funny thing about this was that they seemed to want to "make fun of me!") I was "spewing left and right" all of my extreme hatred..and rage, and "venom" at them...and yet, right afterwards..they calmly "announced" to everybody else something to the effect of (and don't quote me..because I don't remember exactly myself) but, something to the effect of "Well, THERE you have it...somebody who know's what it's like to be on the "OTHER SIDE" of what We have to go thru...with family, friends..etc...and that's their perspective!!!" They then,added a few more not so polite jibes in my direction...and a few people asked "Why the Hell was SHE invited..or WHY is SHE here?!?" (Like this was MY idea? OR MY FAULT?!!!!!!! I DID warn that person... I, think that that person started to "scurry" away,and laugh, as if they knew "nothing" about it!! HUMPH!!!

I think that I may have been "set up!!" Thanks, but, NO thanks!!!

It's hard being on BOTH sides of "an addiction!" I don't always think about that..but, I KNOW that it is!!!
You can come from a good family and STILL have these issues...it sure does NOT matter..
I would say that my addictions are probably eating(but, have been SOOOOO much better since I started taking the Metformin!! I also have an addiction to wanting to buy things...I stay in a LOT..even though I need to walk more..but, lately photo taking is a huge addiction..that's a LOT better and more fun!LOL!! I also have an addiction to sugar, internet,and Wii games!! LOL!!) okay..and having "stuff" around me...I like collecting too..but, hey! That's a whole OTHER essay..Tell ya later! LOL!!!

But, food, for me..was a Comfort zone..I will admit this...I would buy stuff that would shock the local teens, where I used to live..(I have written about this before..) But, I would buy a ton of junk food at my local 7/11 and I would buy soooo much that the teens were even stunned! "Dang! All that junk food for her?!!!!!!!?" I would stand in the store turning a shade of crimson..and hurry out!! I don't want to be "noticed" like that!!! It's humilating...and there were times that as soon as I had picked up all of the candybars..I would go back and put them back..and walk out with something healthy, instead! I "knew" better...and it bothered me..a lOT!!!My eating had gotten so bad that I would take "junk food" with me everywhere..even to babysitting jobs! I also would eat when I was bored, and or lonely, or very depressed..I ate when I didn't "love me" or when I felt like I was totally ALONE. I ate to just sit and eat!! I also shopped too much for junk food..and it got so terrible that even the store clerks at various stores that I went to..would actually stand there and say to me "Uhhh, Julie, don't you think that you have quite enough there? " or "Are you going to share that with ----------?(insert a name there!)
They would also stick in more than just their TWO cents...so, I kept hearing it..ignoring it..and other times I went and put back the food..but, MAN!!People always feel as though they just gotta Lecture you on and on about what is GOOD for you and what is NOT good for you!!(not that I did NOT participate in stuff like this..but, generally, I usually did not!!)

But, Hey..I hope that Ruby changes her eating habits..I am STILL working on mine! LOL!!
Oh and I am NO longer eating the way that I USED to eat..thankfully!!!

I like this metformin..it kicks butt!! ROFL!!

I understand when people share about eating..and how it makes THEM feel...I totally understand...
I go thru times where I "gotta bake"...even though..I don't want to get off my butt to do ANYTHING!!
I have this URGE to bake ANYTHING with sugar!! IT's kind of bad...but, lately I don't always want to eat..and I sometimes actually "forget!" which is weird..but, it's the metformin..so..I am glad!! I have lost about 6 lbs so far...Just gotta keep on keepin' on!!!

I will more than likely start to elminate some other "snack foods" as I go along..maybe I won't be as "in love" with them, as before!!
(This has happened before..and it won't be the last time either!!)


What's funny to me...is that for the last ten or more years...despite being "overweight" for my height and all..I have had some REALLY great "compliments" paid to me...I have heard that a LOT of people just really like my attitude..and all...Hey..I am just bein' me!! LOL!! I really did not expect to get "looks" in my direction...Because of my weight..but, I guess I was highly mistaken!!(I got a LOT more nice compliments paid to me since I moved OUT here...but, I am married..and I take that seriously! LOL!!) I think that the fellas that I used to be around in California..(sorry..but, I feel this way!) that they were ONLY interested in skinny women..and I say that strongly..because I dated a few or knew guys like this..they didn't seem to give a darn if you were "heavy set" ...too bad..their loss, MY gain!!!
The fellas out here..are really polite..and they don't ignore you..(from what I have noticed) and they are NOT into "you have to look Healthy and LEAN all of the time..as in "California lean!!!" They compliment you..and it makes you feel great!!! But, hey..I DO have a "chubby hubby" who is MY cutie..LOL!!! But, every now and then..it feels nice to be "looked at"...hubby and I talk about that...
because there are times that you might just feel like "you're nothing" and it's a bad, feeling to have to go thru!! I should feel great to be me..and NOT be defined or judged by others..but, hey..I am only human..and I admit this!!! *smiles*...It's still nice when some nice person who is just being who they are..looks around and says "HI!" and or compliments you...it truly feels great!!! I am inspired by a LOT of people here.. and everywhere I am...I am grateful to be able to meet those people too!! I think that some people with whom we meet in life are either Here for a bit, or here for the long haul, or here to cheer you on, and either stay or disappear when they think that you are doin' okay, etc..I have had this happen to me many times..and plus others have told me about their friendships as well.

Life is just really, really interesting..it IS like a box of chocolates..you never know what yer gonna get!! ROFL!!!

Have I pissed off any former classmates on my other blog sites..because I did NOT mention names when I wrote about the rude ones? I wrote about some who just totally pissed me off..I was trying to be NICE to them..and they quite rudely told me off..and the only thing that we really did around one another was talk..and they decided to be or act just really obnoxious around me...(I do NOT think that it was any of this one particular person's business to butt into MY business..I was leaving my past preschool job..when this parent whose child does NOT even go to my former preschool, saw me leaving and said to me "Just where do you think that you are going?"  and she also said "You can't just leave for the day?" or something to that effect...(Good God, WHO made HER queen for the day?!!!_

I asked before I could go..I arranged my day off to go and see my doctor..and teachers DO have to see other people during the time that they teach..plus, they can get substitutes!! *shakes head* I sure do NOT know what the heck is wrong with that woman..where does she come off telling people WHAT they can or cannot do? Hello..I am was NOT in her school, but, even if I was......!!!!!!!

(I can't  really post about this  on my main blog because I think that the classmates on that blog site have NOT written to me..for whatever reason..maybe they think that they are next! LOL!! I wouldn't write about them..but, I also would not write about people that I admire or care about...unless it was something positive only!!!)

Just wanted to get that off of my chest!!

lilbrnbear